Blimey!
If you're in the mood and you're kissing a pretty girl
but your wife is coming upon you, then she catches you in flagranti.
If somewhere as a guest you've swiped a schnapps
and the host comes and says: "well, well",
then he catches you in flagranti.
In short, if you do what is justly forbidden
and if you're caught red-handed, then you're ashamed to the sound of this tune.
So even if you're in the mood, don't kiss that girl
and leave the schnapps alone, or else you're caught again in flagranti.
DETECTIVE AGENCY Roland Schmidt
Discreet marriage matters. Lifestyle - inconspicuous observations.
And you know for sure that he'll be travelling again this evening?
Yes, it's already the third time this month.
Hmm... very suspicious.
Of course it's embarrassing for me to talk about it.
Dear madame, if you knew what things have been talked about in this room...
Maybe. But I pondered for weeks whether I should even see you about this matter.
But I can't stand it any longer, I need certainty about it!
Very sensible.
Let's get down to business, madame.
May I ask what reason does your husband state for his journey?
He says he has to go on a business trip.
He has to build a bridge.
A bridge? Sounds fishy already.
Yes, imagine, a bridge of five kilometre length.
But I'll bet there's a woman behind it.
If it's five kilometres, for sure.
Another question, madame.
Could you perhaps tell me about your last talk with your husband?
If possible, verbatim.
Of course, with pleasure.
Well, I asked him in the nicest and most amiable manner:
- What, you're leaving me alone again? - Yes, my dear.
For the third time this month?
That's nothing for a bridge of five kilometre length.
Besides, I'm only away for three nights.
And you need three pyjamas for that?
If it makes you cool off, then I'll only take one.
What's this?
Don't break it, it's my duck.
You and your silly toys!
A grown-up man doesn't play with toys.
Especially a grown-up man.
Why do you take it with you?
It brings me luck.
These are only my construction plans.
Is that duck a souvenir or a present?
A present? For whom?
For that dame you're going to now.
But I'm not going to any dame.
Where else?
To the bridge building company, you know that.
If you don't believe me, come along and see for yourself.
You only say that because you know
I must perform every evening and can't come along.
Then you'll have to stay here.
- You're so mean! - And you're crazy.
- You're a liar! - You're hysterical.
That was our last conversation. What do you think?
I'm sorry for you, madame. It's obviously high time to intervene.
Considering our terms, I'd like to ask for a deposit of 300 marks,
an advance on expenses of 200 marks,
and also...
There'll be time for that later.
Now you have to quickly assign someone to travel with my husband
and watch his every step.
Of course, madame.
I'll push this button, and a whole army of detectives will be at your service.
We're working precisely, reputably, and extraordinarily discreetly.
But to come back to our terms,
I'd like to ask for a deposit of 400 marks and an advance on expenses of 300.
You're getting more and more expensive. There'll be time for that later.
Just call a detective, finally. The train departs in half an hour.
Madame, we've never missed a plane, a train or an adultery.
But to come back to our terms, I'd like to ask for a deposit of...
You're driving me crazy with your deposits!
Here are 500 marks.
Now nothing stands in the way of our intervention.
- Now push your button! - What button?
- That one! - Oh, it's already pushed.
Hello, a gentleman from the observation department!
From the observation department?
No one's here anymore, Herr Schmidt.
No one's here anymore.
There we have it!
You told me a whole army of detectives would be at my service!
Only until seven o'clock, madame, and now it's 7 past seven.
Give me back my deposit!
Impossible, madame. I'll take a look who is still available.
Excuse me, madame.
In the worst case, I'll go myself.
- Miss Seidler? - Yes?
Who is still here, from the other departments?
No one, Herr Schmidt.
Only Miss Christensen is still here.
Christensen? But she's in the correspondence department.
She's never done independent work.
Besides, she'll go on holiday today.
What a bummer! What shall I do?
In default of a soul the devil puts up with Miss Christensen.
Send her to me at once.
Coming!
Inge! To the boss, quickly!
- What does he want? - I don't know. Come on, hurry!
Doctor, I have the feeling that this journey will come to nothing.
Firstly, I'm not a doctor,
and secondly, don't make me even more nervous than I already am!
Ah, Miss Christensen, there you are!
Madame, let me introduce to you
one of our most experienced and successful agents!
Miss Christensen, can you be ready for travel in five minutes?
Boss, I am ready for travel already.
Indeed, you're already ready for travel!
Madame, what do you say? That's how my staff functions!
Fantastic.
But perhaps you can function a little faster, or else it's too late.
So listen, Miss Christensen. You'll take the night express today.
But Herr Schmidt, I'm so to speak not here anymore.
- Why? - I'm already with one foot on holiday.
Then draw back that foot. The lady has already paid, understand?
But my fiancé wants to fly to Salzburg at 7.20.
Then let him fly to Salzburg. You'll take the night express.
But I want to fly with him.
Miss Christensen, if you fly you'll be fired!
Pardon, madame, I'm only giving the young lady some instructions.
- Heavens, only ten minutes left! - Of course.
But you always wanted to deal with a case independently.
Now you can earn your stripes.
But what am I to do?
You're to observe the husband of this lady.
Do you think you can do it?
Why... of course!
Well then! Madame, everything's in perfect order.
I'll send Miss Seidler to the train station for the ticket.
Meanwhile, get the necessary information from this lady.
Miss Seidler?
- Allow me. - Please.
Well, what's the name of your husband, madame?
Yes... Engineer Alfred Peters.
Peters, Alfred. Do you have a photo of him?
In the hurry I couldn't find a single picture of him,
but I brought an entire photo album of him.
- That's your husband? - Yes.
It will be difficult for me to recognize him, madame.
Ah, of course his latest pictures are at the back.
But you can look at them later, or else you'll miss the train.
Miss Christensen, everything's prepared, come!
The photos!
Finally! Our plane departs in 10 minutes!
Come, hurry! Take this!
- Quick, to the station! - Why to the station? To the airport!
No, to the station!
Perhaps you can come to an agreement?
To the station, of course.
Mister, how dare you dispose of my car?
Because no other one was available. My name is Schmidt.
At the station, Miss Seidler is waiting for you with the train ticket.
- Do your job well! - What job, Inge?
Erwin, don't be angry, but we have to postpone our journey a little.
Imagine, I've now got my first independent case!
To hell with your case!
I told you a hundred times that as my future wife
you'll have enough work in the household and on the estate.
You don't need another profession.
Especially a job not suited for a woman.
You don't know about that, mister.
I'll prove to you that a woman can be as good a detective as a man.
And the man I'm going to observe shall remember it for his whole life!
- I'll take this one, too. - You're welcome.
- How much is it? - 1.95.
Carrier! Carrier!
Hurry, the train is departing!
Here, take this!
Leave my suitcase in the car, I'm not leaving!
Where's mine?
- Carrier, for heavens sake! - My typewriter!
The typewriter! The gentleman will pay.
Don't you want to say goodbye to me?
Oh, sorry. Goodbye, Erwin.
- Thank you. - What's the matter?
With your permission, I may kiss my bride, yes?
Kiss her, but kiss quickly!
Buy yourself a platform ticket!
- Don't you hear? Hurry up! - Don't shout at me!
- Hurry, hurry! - The typewriter!
- Your ticket, please. - But I'm not leaving!
Stop! It's too late!
- It's not too late. Come! - Thank you!
Give me your luggage.
And the portable radio.
Thank you, Herr Schmidt! Many thanks! Goodbye!
Bummer!
Oh, I forgot something!
- Why, is anybody else coming along? - No, but I have to wave goodbye!
Thank you.
It's your fault that I almost dropped dead!
Why do you shout like this? Are you crazy?
Your hand is already hurting. May I take over?
Thank you.
- At whom do I wave? - At my fiancé.
Your fiance, is that the gentleman with the yellow gloves?
Well, he has just send me a kiss.
- I actually don't know my compartment. - We'll find it.
Here, madame, No. 13, I've already carried the luggage in.
No. 13? Then we're neighbours.
- Well, goodbye! - Goodbye!
- Good evening. - Good evening.
Hella, it's you? That's incredible! What are you doing here?
How are you? We haven't met for ages!
Not since taking A-levels. But I've often asked about you.
That's nice of you, moppet.
Tell me, are you married?
No, only a little engaged.
A little? But that's great! Congratulations!
Thanks, thanks.
- That doesn't sound very happy. - Ah, don't say that.
Say, would it disturb you if I switched on the radio?
- No, on the contrary. How to do it? - It's quite easy.
Are you still studying medicine?
No, unfortunately I had to give it up.
Ah... and now?
Have a guess!
- Office? - Yes, but what exactly?
- Well? - A detective agency.
- Quit joking! - Seriously, I'm on a business trip.
- Now? Here? On a business trip? - Now, here, on a business trip.
- As a detective? - As a detective.
What's it about? Or aren't you allowed to tell?
Oh, no problem.
- Murder with robbery? - Much worse.
- Even worse? - Adultery.
Always the same story.
I'm following a man who is betraying his wife.
That is, I don't know yet, but I hope he's betraying her.
You're funny; you hope for it?
Of course. I don't want to follow him for nothing.
I see. What does the fellow look like?
Don't know, thanks for reminding me. I must have a look right now.
Come again? This man?
But that's impossible.
Oh, he's good-looking indeed.
He doesn't have only one lover, he's got ten.
- Ah, you think so? - Certainly.
Beware of becoming number eleven.
Can't happen to me.
Nice, don't you think?
- You've bought it for your children? - No, no, I don't have any children.
But you seem to have a childlike mind.
What? Oh yes, indeed, madame.
Are you looking for a match, sir?
Here you are.
Will you please only smoke after the dinner?
Pardon, madame.
- In any case, much obliged! - You're welcome.
Please take your Tyrolian out of my soup!
Pardon, madame.
Waiter, a new Tyrolian for the soup! Erm, a soup for the Tyrolian... for...
Pardon, madame.
- He's sitting over there. - Hush, not so loud!
Why is he greeting you? Do you know him?
Oh, he helped me get on the train.
- Ah, I see. - No, you don't.
- What's the matter? - Now I've put too much salt in the soup.
Very suspicious, my dear.
Excuse me, I'll leave you alone for a moment.
I have to quickly search his luggage.
How exciting! Can I help you in any way?
If you want, flirt a little with him, and I'd have more time for work.
- I'll do that. - Thank you.
Excuse me!
Gee!
Waiter!
The bill, please.
Waiter, I'll be back soon. I left my money in the sleeping car.
Attention! The fellows coming!
Oh, pardon!
No, you're right, it's your compartment, I opened the wrong door, sorry.
I see, no problem. I wanted to keep you company in the dining car
but all of a sudden you had disappeared.
Shall we talk a little now?
No, I'm a bit tired. Perhaps tomorrow. Good night!
Good night.
Where have you been so long? Did he notice anything?
On the contrary, he was very nice.
You don't say! Have you found anything?
Quite a lot. May I sit down on your bed for a moment?
I have to type something quickly. My first telegraphic report.
You've got an exciting job!
Switch off the radio, our neighbour wants to sleep.
Criminals need no sleep.
What's this?
Whose are these?
Thank God.
Such an impertinence!
Ah, please stop. I want to go to sleep. I have to get up at 5 o'clock.
I'll have finished soon.
Children's toys found during a luggage inspection indicates that...
- Good evening. - What can I do for you?
Are these your gloves?
Ah, yes. Many thanks!
I'd like to give you some friendly advice.
If you should mistake doors again,
don't forget your gloves in other people's suitcases.
In suit... Oh God, I don't know how I can explain this to you.
Not at all.
I'm no fool, you luggage marten.
This time I will not report you, but consider it as a warning.
You're still young, clean up your act!
Good evening.
And you also destroyed my duck.
Heavens, what have you done?
What a fool I am!
No. 34, madame.
- Allow me. - You're welcome.
Why are you in such a bad mood? Did you sleep badly?
I did, but my ring was stolen in the sleeping car.
You don't say! Perhaps you left it at home?
Impossible, I know for sure that I brought it along.
It's very annoying.
It wasn't only very valuable but also a memory of my father.
Give back that gentleman's ring immediately.
How dare you!
Give back that gentleman's ring immediately!
Have you gone mad?
Ah! Here it is!
I put it into my handkerchief when washing.
That's just like you!
How idiotic of me. It can only happen to me.
Thank you, madame!
We have an 80-minute-stop here, haven't we?
Yes, sir, we go on at 1 o'clock sharp.
I'll go see the city a little, then.
- Keep an eye on my luggage! - Yes, sir.
Best close the compartment door.
Certainly, sir.
Hello, guard!
I'm also going to the city. Please have an eye on my luggage, too.
- But Madame... - Yes, I know, I'll be back in time.
Elisabethplatz, Cafe Corso. Do you know it?
Follow that car, but quickly!
- Georg! - Alfred, there you are!
- Am I in time? - Fantastically so.
- How are you? How was yourjourney? - Excellent.
One Vermouth, waiter.
- And how are you? - Don't ask.
- I'm coming directly from the police. - From the police? Why?
Take my good advice and don't fall in love with your type of woman.
You will only have trouble.
You know me, I'm a good-natured person.
But if I'm jealous, I become a bull. And then I see red.
And when I come to my senses I am notified that I inflicted
at least a slight physical injury on the man I was jealous about.
Well, really. Does that happen to you often?
Unfortunately. Only yesterday again in the 'Goldener Anker'.
Your fiancee doesn't seem to be entirely blameless, however.
Let's not talk about it.
You have to go to your train, and I must go back to my office.
- Well then, what about our plans? - The affair is cut and dried.
The board of the Bridge Building AG has approved my plans unanimously.
And you'll get the supplier's contracts.
Really? Everything is perfect?
Completely. I'll set up the contracts tomorrow.
And we're to start building in two months.
Great, many thanks!
- When will you come? - Tomorrow.
You can already announce me to the gentlemen in the headquarter.
Excellent. I'll keep tomorrow evening free for you.
- Where are you staying? - In the Bristol, as always.
- Fine, I'll be there. - I have to leave now.
- Well, then: to our bridge! - To our bri...
Let the devil take this dame. She's pursuing me.
She's charming!
Not my type, but... well... actually she is my type.
She looks quite nice from a distance,
but she's to be treated with caution from close to.
- Do you know her? - Yes.
Introduce me to her.
No, no, be happy that you've got nothing to do with this.
With her, you have to sew up your wallet or else she'll forget her gloves in it.
What? She steals?
Yes, she steals. A luggage marten.
You must be crazy, she doesn't look like a luggage thief.
Perhaps she's after your plans?
- Why? - Industrial espionage, you understand?
Gosh, that might be possible.
- I'll find out. Introduce me to her. - You would like that, wouldn't you?
Waiter, the bill!
- Think of your fiancee. - Why? I'm cross with her.
Keep the change.
Come, come, come. Move on.
Goodbye, gentlemen!
- Waiter, that lady is doing a bunk! - That hussy!
Sorry, miss, you forgot to pay!
But I did pay!
No, you didn't pay!
Look at this, she's a dine-n-dasher, too!
Terrible! Such a young girl.
Good bye!
The money is under the newspaper.
- Is the money under the newspaper? - One moment, please.
Yes. I very much apologise.
Yes, I very much apologise, please.
Next time, open your eyes before you speak.
Next time, open your eyes before you speak, rascal!
Roll up, ladies and gentlemen, everyone's laughing, everyone's happy!
Buy my wonderful movable figures,
for instance this little donkey moving backwards,
or this, the sensation of sensations, a prima ballerina!
See how she floats along with grace and filigree!
Or this wonderful little monkey!
Ladies and gentlemen, you've never carried home a monkey like this.
What can this monkey do? It can not only dance,
it can also play the violin wonderfully.
Now the main point, ladies and gentlemen, how much does it cost?
It doesn't cost five, or three, or two, no: it's 1.50 only.
Thank you, thank you.
Give me one of those prima ballerinas.
1.50, ladies and gentlemen, and you'll get three razorblades and a knife, too.
1.50 for a dancing doll and three razorblades and...
Hey, you!
It's a steal.
One moment, miss. Give me back my briefcase.
What briefcase?
Put down your ridiculous glasses, I recognise you nevertheless.
Don't touch me! How dare you!
Give me back my briefcase!
Can't you see that I don't have any briefcase?
Yes, yes, but you've got an accomplice who now has it.
It's a well-known old trick.
Say, are you crazy?
Yes, yesterday when I helped you onto the train.
And now I'm without briefcase.
So give it back to me, or I'll have you arrested.
Let me go at once! I have neither your briefcase nor an accomplice.
Fine, if you don't want it any other way...
Hello, constable! Come on.
Constable, this person has stolen my briefcase, probably with an accomplice.
That's intolerable!
Shut up! She's been following me since yesterday evening.
You've already suspected me for no reason once before!
I admit, I was wrong that one time.
But I wasn't wrong three times.
Yesterday evening she tried to loot my luggage in the sleeping car...
Don't believe him, constable!
This morning she wanted to leave a coffeehouse without paying,
But the waiter caught her just in time.
And now she's stolen my briefcase. Unfortunately I noticed it too late.
- Can you prove your identity? - Yes, can you prove your identity?
- Of course. - Well, now I'm curious.
Well, it's not possible right now, constable.
Then please come with me, both of you.
- Come again? Just because this impertinent person...
Don't worry, sir, with us you're in the best hands!
As soon as we find out something in your affair, we will contact you.
- Goodbye, next one please! - Good morning!
I have very little time, sir, but I make out from your hurry
that it must be a most important case.
That's right, infinitely important.
- That interests me, please sit down. - No, thanks.
As far as my terms are concerned, I'd ask you to...
Your efforts are useless, I'm here for private affairs.
Oh, it's you.
I ask that you telegraphically recall Miss Christensen at once.
What do you mean, 'ask'?
Indeed, I ask!
Sir, you can ask for a better course of business for me, and nothing else!
Miss Christensen is my fiancee!
Miss Christensen is my employee, and she's on duty right now.
Right now she's on holiday.
And I've been waiting for this holiday for eight months now.
For all I care, eight years!
Instead of being happy that I give a newcomer the chance to learn something!
She should learn cooking, and not to run after other men.
Hello, I'm speaking. It's me.
Schmidt speaking.
Oh, general director, of course, everything's in order.
Your cashier has already been arrested.
Excuse me, cashier, your general director has already been arrested.
You wear me out completely.
No, not you, the other one, the crook.
Who is a crook?
The other one.
Say, where shall I send the account of expenses?
Yes, cashier, please spell it, I'll note it down.
76... and the street, please?
'T' as in what...? As in 'thousand'.
'H' as in 'hundrecf, 'E' as in 'eleven', too stupid...
A telegram.
- From whom? - From Miss Christensen.
- From my fiancee? Where is she? - That's none of your business.
Excuse me, I talked to the other one.
Perhaps I may at least learn where she is?
That's a business secret. Don't drive me crazy!
- Can't you see I'm telephoning? - I don't care.
Will you be quiet now?!
Hello?
Now he has buzzed into my ear and I only have half of the street.
Thousand, hundred, and eleven.
What a nuisance! You'll be my...
Miss, please remove this gentleman.
Don't bother, miss. I'm leaving by myself.
Tell your boss that I will return.
Children's toys found during luggage visitation indicate concealed child.
Children's toys...
...concealed child.
That's great!
Madame, you come just at the right moment.
Herr Schmidt has just received a dispatch from Miss Christensen about your case.
Really? Thank you.
Miss.
You're still here?
Excuse me, isn't that the singer from the cabaret, Frau Carlsen?
And on her behalf my fiancee went on this trip?
Unfortunately I can't give you any information, sir.
I see, then I'll get it from herself.
If you please, madame.
What has your agent found out?
A lot, madame.
I'm already in the pleasant position to tell you that you're being betrayed.
- No! - Yes, very much. Take a seat, madame.
Please show me the telegram.
Unfortunately that's impossible, madame.
On principle we never allow our customers to look at our internal correspondence.
However, we can already report one thing.
- What is it? - He's got an illegitimate child.
A child? From another woman?
Apparently, or else you would know about it, too.
But dear inspector, I beg you, my train departs in half an hour.
I can't go without the plans.
But I can't produce your briefcase out of thin air.
Listen, inspector, this is a case of industrial espionage.
Yes, believe me, that woman works on behalf of a competitor,
She's after the patent specifications or after my plans.
That's why she snooped in my luggage yesterday
and why she's following my every step today.
Please let me talk to her again in person.
Then please try your luck.
- Lead the gentleman into the cell. - Thank you.
Thank you.
Good morning.
So you dare entering here?
Yes, I do.
Please leave my room... erm, cell at once!
One moment. I must talk to you.
How can someone look like this and behave like that?
My looks are none of your business.
And I didn't come here to address compliments to you.
I only wanted to ask you, ask you most politely,
to finally give me back my briefcase.
But I already told you that I don't have your stupid briefcase!
Why are you lying like this?
You're so young and beautiful, why are you lying like this?
It's terrible.
At least you know where my briefcase is now.
My word of honour, I have no idea.
Word of honour... It's terrible.
Because of you I'll have to do all the drawings again.
So you want to go on without me and leave me here all alone?
- With water and bread? - Of course.
It's quite healthy for you. Perhaps you'll become more talkative.
- All right then, I admit it. - What?
- I know where your briefcase is. - Well, finally.
Well, where is it?
I'll only tell you if you help me to get out of here.
That's blackmail. Besides, how should I do it?
Tell the officer that you're always very absent-minded.
You just left the briefcase somewhere, and it wasn't stolen in the first place.
And if he then wants to see my briefcase?
You'll show him another one.
But where shall I get another one in this hurry?
Heavens, you must hurry terribly, or else both of us will miss the train.
Listen, if you want to play tricks on me, only to get free...
You're hurting me.
Yes... and that's only a little pretaste of what will happen to you then.
So what, you say you've found this briefcase?
Indeed, I was closing my shop and carrying my stuff inside,
when suddenly I saw this briefcase lying on the ground.
Inspector, may I perhaps...
Sorry.
Excuse me, would you be so kind as to lend me your briefcase for a moment?
- My what? - Your briefcase.
- Are you nuts? - Oh, don't be angry.
Excuse me, director, may I ask you for a little favour?
I have to measure something on this house, it's about to be rebuilt.
Would you be so kind as to hold the tape measure for a moment, director?
I'm not a director, but no problem.
Please, exactly here.
- Here? - Yes.
It'll take some moments, but perhaps you'd like to read your newspaper?
I'll take your briefcase in the meantime.
- That's very kind of you. - You're welcome, director.
- But I'm not a director. - Your day may come.
Inspector, a surprise! My briefcase is back!
You already know that?
Please excuse my absentmindedness.
I've just been to the hotel, opened a suitcase and there it was,
- This is your briefcase? - This is my briefcase.
- Do you know for sure? - Absolutely.
Well, and whose briefcase is this?
- Where does this one come from? - It has been found.
Found')... I see.
Well, it... it is mine.
And this one?
This one isn't.
Why did you tell me that this one is yours?
Because I...
Excuse me, I'd like to check whether my plans are still inside.
Yes, thank God.
Because I... I wanted...
- What's this? - Just a duck.
- A duck? - Yes, a duck.
This is the head, and this... well, it's broken.
I wanted to get the duck... that is, the lady I had arrested half an hour ago
because of this briefcase, out of prison.
So you declare the lady has stolen your briefcase and have her arrested,
and then say that your briefcase hasn't been stolen, only to get the lady free?
Yes, only to get the lady free.
Just give me my briefcase, and the matter is resolved.
- The matter isn't resolved at all! - But I'll miss the train!
- I don't care! - But I do!
Don't shout!
You're in an office here, and one has to be polite in an office!
Don't you see... you are... ah, give me the briefcase.
Stop, stop!
- Only after you've signed the record! - What record?
And until then you're arrested for attempting to mislead the authorities,
and for disorderly conduct in the police office.
- Now that is the limit! - Lead him off!
Don't touch me, I can't stand that! I'm not a criminal, after all!
Inspector, I'll hold you responsible for any consequences!
Silence!
- Take your briefcase. - It isn't mine.
- Whose it is? - A gentleman's, outside, a tall and fat one.
He's standing at the corner, holding a tape measure to the wall.
- But why? - Because I...
You, is this your briefcase?
Pardon? Oh yes, thanks.
Please put it down there, I have to hold this.
- Miss Christensen, you're free. - High time.
- I'm very sorry. Here are your things. - Thanks.
Do you know where the gentlemen is who reported me to the police?
- He's inside. - Huh? Already on the train?
- No, here. - But why?
The authorities don't accept to be given the runaround.
Oh dear... But then I can't leave either!
Sorry, miss, we don't have any rooms left.
Here's your briefcase.
And someone has to call the station,
or else in five minutes my luggage will move on without me.
I don't even have a toothbrush.
What hassle you make!
This luggage isn't mine.
Put it into the hotel depot, in the name of Peters.
- What's my room number? - 210, madame.
Your luggage has been fetched by Miss Christensen in your name.
She's staying in the hotel "GoldenerAnker", room 210.
I don't know any Miss Christensen.
That's the lady who was jailed here before.
What, this impertinent...?!
Listen, constable, I ask for her immediate arrest!
You probably want to have the whole world arrested!
Wait until the evening when you'll get out here.
But my luggage is... Damn! Constable! Hello!
Such a rascal! And he's got a child, too!
Take it easy, madame. Men are like that.
He's ringing to drive me mad! Does he think I'm deaf?
Come in!
Good evening, madame.
Sorry to disturb you, I come to ask for a big favour.
You come at the most unsuitable moment,
I've got not a second, I have to be on stage at once.
What do you want, after all?
I'm coming from the detective agency Schmidt.
Schmidt? Any news? Have they found out who the mother is?
Mother?
- Frau Carlsen, your performance! - Yes, yes!
- I mean the mother of the child. - What child?
- Frau Carlsen! - Yes! You're driving me crazy!
Stay here! Wait until the first act is over!
It's terrible, you always call me when it's almost too late!
- May I eat here? - Yes, you're welcome.
Excuse me, is this Herr Peters?
Yes, that's the father.
The father?
Good evening. Miss Christensen is expecting me, room 210, isn't it?
I'll ask the lady to come clown.
Not necessary, I've only come to fetch something.
- Good evening. - Good evening.
Hey, you!
Hello, good evening. Where's my luggage?
How did you get into my room?
- Are you already free? - As you can see.
You've escaped, eh?
Just tell me where my luggage is.
I deposited it in the hotel, in your name.
How did you get the idea to deposit my luggage here in your hotel?
You! Why do you shout at me?
Be happy that your luggage is safe with me.
God knows where it would have gone with the train.
Much better for it than to be safe with you.
And let me just check what this safety of yours is like.
Hello, the porter, please. The porter, yes.
Why did you put those firecrackers in your hair?
I can put as many firecrackers in my hair as I like.
Why do you shine like that?
Because I put on some lotion.
Why did you put on lotion?
Say, did you come here for a lesson in cosmetics?
No. Hello, porter?
Yes, listen, Peters speaking. Peters, yes.
Did Miss Christensen deposit two pieces of luggage in my name?
Please check it. Yes, I'll wait.
Excuse me, I come from jail and am bone-tired.
As you please.
And you might take off your hat in my bed... in my room.
I beg your pardon.
What's this?!
What's the matter? Why do you scream? Don't scare me, it's just a frog.
Yes, please?
Nobody knows anything about those pieces of luggage here.
Perhaps they were deposited with the day porter.
Ah, I see.
And when will your colleague be back at work?
Only at six o'clock? Thank you.
What are you doing with my things?
You'll see in a moment, miss.
Have you gone completely crazy?
No, no.
I'm just making sure that you have no chance...
to escape.
How dare you!
What are you going to do?
I'll stay here until I have my luggage back.
And as the day porter only comes at six o'clock, I'd like to sleep a little.
What, here with me?
I come from jail, and I'm tired.
- You can't undress in front of me! - You don't need to watch.
If you don't leave my room at once, I'll cry for help!
There's the telephone, serve yourself.
I can prove my identity.
I don't know if you can.
Look, you've got my duck on your conscience, too.
You came to tell me that your fiancee ran away?
No, no, I only wanted to ask you to go without the services of Miss Christensen.
- Why? - I'd like to go on holiday for once.
What has your holiday to do with me?
After all, I paid an advance of 500 marks.
I finally want to know the truth.
But, madame, what's the advantage of finding out that you have been betrayed?
That's none of your business, only mine, do you understand?
Of course, sure.
But if I have certainty, if I know that he really betrayed me,
you'll get to know me!
- L? What have I got to do with it? - Ah, who's talking about you?
I mean him and his lover.
Hey you!
Don't snore so loud!
Hey you!
What's the matter?
You, hey!
You've got a terrible habit.
You're whistling in your sleep.
You've got to stop that.
Such an impertinence!
Oh, it's terrible.
Hey!
Gone crazy?!
Of course! And it's your fault!
You snore like a walrus!
It's much too loud!
No, on the contrary. I think it's far too quiet!
It's impossible to stand it! Will you stop it or not?
I wouldn't dream of it!
- What? - No!
- A pleasant night! - What?
Silence!
Please, miss, the entire hotel is complaining about the noise.
The people want to sleep.
Me, too!
Well, now I feel better.
"And now you'll hear our dance band again."
Huh? Do you want to snore again?
- I haven't even started yet. - Thanks, it was enough for me.
- What else shall we do? - I don't know.
- Have you got something to read? - No.
Well then. Can you play chess?
Yes. Do you have a chessboard?
No. Where from?
- Can you play at cards? - Of course. Do you have cards?
Of course not.
Too bad, then I'll have to play alone.
Do whatever you want, but...
Calm down, I won't snore anymore.
I don't feel like sleeping anymore.
Actually I'm sorry that I broke your duck. Too bad.
Now your child will be quite sad, no?
- I don't have a child. - Oh, I don't believe you.
Who else is to play with the duck,
and with that strange frog, and the other things?
- L. - You yourself?
Well, I am that childish.
No...
It's definitely broken.
- Let me try it... - Hands off! Oh, sorry.
- Did I hurt you? - No, it's nothing.
You've got beautiful hands.
A criminal's hands.
It's really a pity about you.
Say, are we going to repair the duck
or do you want to make compliments about my hands?
Do you know what I want?
I want you to become an honest person.
I know exactly why you were interested in my luggage, yesterday in the train.
On behalf of some competitor you were to steal my plans and my specifications.
- Am I right? - Do you think so?
Of course.
It's the only explanation for your impossible behaviour.
Or can you give me another one?
I could, but I don't want to.
Ah, then I'm right.
How wrong one can be.
Yesterday in the train, I at once asked the guard where you're going,
and when I heard that we have the same destination...
Leave the duck alone now.
I was very happy.
Why? You can't be interested in that. Someone certainly expects you?
Of course. The building company whose plans you wanted to steal yesterday.
And by nobody else.
- And I am to believe you? - Why should I make something up?
You don't want to talk me into believing that you're only on a business trip?
Certainly there's a woman in it.
Dear Miss Christensen, my head is so full with my work
that I don't have time to care for beautiful women.
I thought you asked the sleeping car guard about me yesterday?
Yes, that's rig ht.
I was surprised about myself.
In any case it was the first time in awhile.
Really?
Ah, now you are making something up.
No, I don't. Listen, I have a suggestion.
Abandon this assignment, and I'll pay for your losses.
Simply tell that stupid competitor that in future
you don't want to have anything to do with such dirty business.
- Ah, you want to get rid of me? - Why, no, on the contrary.
On the contrary, I wanted to ask you to go on holiday with me.
I say!
Why shouldn't you have a few days off, too?
Why do you want that, all of a sudden?
Yes, why? Probably because I'm crazy.
Our acquaintance began in such an embarrassing manner
that I should be happy if it were over soon.
But, you know, I think that you're basically a decent person.
Wouldn't it be nice if we became good friends?
And what do you expect to come of it?
Expect?
I don't expect anything.
You know, it's terrible...
I think I've fallen in love with you.
Keep your trap shut!
- Leave him alone, he's quite right! - Why?
Why are you running away?
You owe me an answer!
Fair enough.
You, what are you doing at my cupboard?
I'm opening it, so you can get at your clothes again.
I see.
But then you must leave, so that I can get dressed.
Yes, one moment.
I have to get dressed, too.
That's impossible.
That's my album!
How does it get...
PROOF OF IDENTITY Inge Christensen
Employee of DETECTIVE AGENCY ROLAND SCHMIDT & CO.
That can't be!
Are you still here?
Yes!
But I'll make off at once.
What's the matter? Why are you laughing so dreadfully?
I'm only laughing in desperation!
Well, now the coast is clear. Goodbye!
Herr Peters, isn't it?
I only want to tell you that the story about the luggage is true.
Oh yes, I'm certain of that.
When do the flower shops open?
They're open already.
- So what's the time? - 9 o'clock.
Impossible.
Yes, time often passes incredibly quickly, doesn't it?
Send me some letter paper into the breakfast room,
and get me a big, beautiful bouquet of roses.
Roses'?
Red ones.
Miss Christensen?
Yes?
These have been brought for you.
For me? No mistake?
No, madame. There's also a letter.
Thank you.
Dear Miss Christensen, luggage question solved.
I'm truly sorry for stealing your night's rest, but am still glad it happened.
Athousand hand kisses, your Alfred Peters
That is...
an impertinence!
- He thinks I'll really go with him. - Pardon?
Oh, nothing. Or yes, a telegram form.
Please send my luggage to the station at once.
I believe Miss Christensen travels on the same train.
No, Miss Christensen doesn't. She travels back.
Allow me...
"Last report was erroneous. Subject definitely has no girlfriend."
"Further observations pointless, so I'm returning today." Too bad.
"Subject definitely has no girlfriend."
Listen.
Where can I quickly get a nice girlfriend, I mean..
A young, single lady?
Excuse me, sir. Now, in the morning?
- Yes, it... it must be now. - Now?
Good morning!
Good morning, waiter.
Last evening, when my fiance had that dispute with that gentleman,
in all that excitement I left my tabatiere here. Did you perhaps find it?
Of course I found it.
- That's fine, I'm very grateful to you. - Just one moment, madame.
Come, down.
Sit, Wurschtl!
That would be something...
Why “would”? That is something.
Be quiet, Wurschtl.
What a surprise! How are you, darling?
You must be mistaken, sir.
Why, don't you remember? Soppot!
I don't know any Herr Soppot.
But I'm Ferdinand!
Well, I've known three Ferdinands.
So you see.
- Here's the tabatiere, miss. - Thank you so much!
Waiter... keep your seat, Franzi.
- My name is Fritzi. - Well, I said 'Fritzi'.
Waiter, bring us two fritzis... erm.. two cognacs.
- Two cognacs, with pleasure. - Big ones.
Fritzi, listen.
Would you like to go on holiday with me for a few days?
Are you crazy? Who do you think I am?
- When would it be? - In half an hour.
In half an hour?
Why not? Yes.
- Yes?! - Yes!
Great, Fritzi! For this you may ask me for something.
I'm not coming along because I want to ask you for something.
But because of rage.
Rage?
You know, I've got a cousin... that is, actually he's my fiance.
And I'm angry at him.
He's a kind-hearted person, but so terribly jealous that he becomes a bull.
Fritzi, I know that. I have a friend who is exactly like this.
When he gets jealous, he sees red.
Yes, yes, exactly like this.
I can't stand these permanent fights any longer.
I'll go with you. Yes, I'll go with you.
And he can look for me.
Bravo! Thank you, waiter.
So where are we going, Schorschl... erm... Ferdinand?
Don't be so curious. You'll find out soon.
I have the impression that now you do remember me quite well.
Not exactly, but vaguely.
I just don't know one thing: were we very close friends?
Or did we only meet briefly?
More briefly.
But I hope we'll get very well acquainted now.
Cheers, then. To our old acquaintance.
Servus, Ferdinand!
And the typewriter, please.
Well...
Of course I can't go with you alone. You understand that?
So who's to come along?
Wu rschtl.
Wurschtl? Who is that?
There he sits.
On, he! Of course he can come along.
Wurschtl, say 'thank you'!
- Please excuse me for a moment. - Why?
Miss Christensen, I must apologise to you personally again.
Don't mention it. In any case, thank you for the beautiful roses.
That was very kind but entirely unnecessary.
During our continuation of our journey you must give me the chance
to make amends for what I did wrong.
I'm afraid you won't have any opportunity for it.
- Why? - I'm going back even today.
But you said that...
I've been already able to finish my task here. More or less.
- That's regrettable. - Well?
I nevertheless hope we'll meet again soon.
Unlikely.
Things often don't turn out the way you expect.
Ferdinand, what's the matter? We'll miss the train!
Yes, I'm coming, my dear.
A little cousin of mine, a distant relative.
She looks like it.
And this little distant cousin is going to travel with you?
Yes, by chance.
Is it also by chance that she calls you Ferdinand instead of Alfred?
No, that's a different story.
She always confuses me with a cousin of mine who's called Ferdinand.
- Is that so? - Yes, another distant one.
Then I wish you a pleasant journey, Herr Ferdinand.
Same to you. Hope to meet you again soon.
Sorry, my dear.
Did I disturb you much?
No, not at all.
- The bill, please. - At once.
Who is that?
That is a detective.
- The last thing I needed! - Why are you suddenly so scared?
Just look how she's staring at me.
She must be after me.
Why, do you have a bad conscience?
L? Not at all. But it's because of the fight my fiance had here last night.
She doesn't know that you have a fiance.
Well, you never know. See how she's looking at us.
Then behave as if I were your fiance. Come, give me your arm.
And put that creature down.
Sorry, Wurschtl.
Give me your arm.
Why do you scowl? Put on a friendly face, laugh a little.
- If it pleases you... - Say 'dear' to me.
- Dear. - Now we're getting somewhere.
You're a nice guy.
I'd laugh myself silly if I fell in love with you.
- Why not. Shall we go? - Let's go, then.
Give some greetings.
- Take my luggage to the train! - Yes, Herr Peters!
Thank you very much, miss.
Excuse me, miss, I haven't sent your telegram yet
because I didn't know whether it should be sent 'standard' or 'priority'.
It's not be sent at all.
Well...
After work comes pleasure. Farewell, my clear.
What, you want to leave again?
You'll have to get used to it.
But what shall I do alone all the time?
- I've got something nice for you. - What is it?
- Here, look, play a little. - But I'm not a little child.
It will make time pass.
But where do you want to go again?
I have to find out whether a certain person is on the train.
- A woman? - Yes.
Ferdinand, did you invite another one after all?
Yes. That is, no. I have...
You're killing me with all these questions.
Play a little, I'll be back soon.
By the way, you haven't given me a kiss yet.
That's actually true.
Come here.
No, not on the mouth. On the cheek, please.
- On the cheek? - Yes.
Exactly in the middle, please.
Exactly in the middle?
I'm not surprised about anything today.
- Did you make me red? - Oh, sorry.
No, no, thanks. Goodbye.
Wurschtl, I think our new master is a fool.
Excuse me, is this seat taken?
- Yes... well... please sit down. - Thank you.
Incidentally I know your cousin very well.
Yes? I thought at once that you stared at me because of him.
I mean, the way you fixated me.
The fight was not my fault. But where is he now?
- You know that very well. - But I have no idea!
- He's here in the train, my dear. - No, I didn't know that!
Ah, do you also want to make me believe that you don't know he's married?
- He's married?! - Yes.
- That can't be true. - If I tell you so?
That's impossible! He's promised me marriage for two years now!
Ah, so he's also a marriage impostor.
Do you know by any chance to whom he's married?
Of course, to a cabaret singer.
I'll get crazy! And he's after me day and night with his jealousy!
Is he really your cousin?
No. When we got to know each other, he only told someone I was his cousin,
and since then I sometimes say the same.
How long have you known him?
Well, for two years.
He had a terrible affair with the police, then.
Not because of me, but because of my predecessor.
She flirted a little, one may do so, there's nothing to it.
But he beat up the man with whom she had flirted in such a way
that he couldn't stand for four days.
And for this he went to jail for eight days.
Ah, a criminal record for physical injury.
And two weeks later I had to go to the police office, too.
Why you?
Well, it was like this:
We made a little weekend trip,
and he didn't want to write his real name into the certificate of registration.
So he wrote down a false name.
And then instead of 'merchant' he wrote 'consul general'.
'Consul general' instead of 'mer...'
Why 'merchant', isn't he an engineer?
Oh, not at all.
I'd only like to know one thing, Miss Detective. Can something happen to me?
Not at all, but I advise you for your own best: get away from this man.
I've tried that often, but then he followed me again and I had pity.
And our conversation will remain a secret between us?
- I promise faithfully! - Fine.
Good bye.
Good morning! What are you doing here, how are you?
Thanks, fine!
So you're continuing yourjourney?
Yes, I decided to do it.
I want to fully finish my task.
Bravo, bravo, I don't like to do things by halves, either.
What's the matter, why do you look at me like that?
You're a little red there.
- L, red? Where? - On the cheek.
No, really, what is it, what could it be?
- Lipstick, I suppose. - Lipstick?
Probably from the distant cousin.
Ah yes, that's possible, she always kisses me without wiping her mouth.
- How long will you stay there? - That's not up to my decision.
I see. Whatever I can do to extend your stay shall happen.
I'm certain of it, consul general.
Unfortunately Herr Schmidt can't meet you, he's got too much work.
It doesn't matter. I've got time.
- Besides, I'm waiting for Frau Carlsen. - Huh?
She'll certainly come to inform herself
about the present state of fidelity of her husband?
Well, then wait.
Good evening, Herr Peters!
- Have you reserved my old apartment? - Yes, of course.
Listen, give the lady who came with me a room which is as...
- As close to yours as possible. - If anything, as far away as possible.
She's my secretary. Perhaps a room on another floor.
As you please.
But most likely another lady will arrive soon, Miss Christensen.
- Miss Christensen? - Yes.
Miss Christensen has just called from the station.
Is that so? Very well.
Give that lady a room as close to mine as possible.
As you please.
Herr Schmidt, a long-distance call. Miss Christensen is on the phone.
Yes, hello? I'm waiting.
- Is that person still in the anteroom? - He is.
Ah, I'll finish him off. That'll show him.
Hello, Miss Christensen. What's the news?
Quite some news, Herr Schmidt.
First, his lover's name is Fritzi Richardt.
She followed him and now stays at the same hotel.
Yes, imagine, in the Bristol.
Secondly, the fellow isn't an engineer but an impostor.
Well, that's tremendous! You're developing into a detective genius!
But that's not possible!
One moment, my pencil got chipped. I'm transfixed!
- Frau Carlsen is here. - Yes, show her in.
That is, no. That is, yes!
So I'll take a room in the Bristol, too.
I've already booked a room. I'll observe him there, too, yes?
Keep your eyes glued to him all the time! That's it!
If you please, madame.
- So? - Thanks, Miss Seidler.
Madame, I've just spoken to Miss Christensen, I know everything.
You'll receive a written report.
What do you mean? Now that I'm already here, you can simply tell me.
No, madame, I can't.
There are some reports I dare to make only in written form.
- Is it that terrible? - 'Terrible' is no word for it.
- Is he betraying me again? - Well, that would be the least problem.
- How?!
This report contains things which make even my hair stand on end!
What do I care for your hair?
I want to know what your agent has found out.
Very well, as you please.
Firstly, the story about the bridge building is a scam. He's not an engineer.
Secondly, he took a room in the Bristol, and his lover, too.
Go on.
Thirdly... No, it won't pass my lips.
- Go on! - No!
Go on, I must know everything!
No. Madame, when did you first meet that man?
- One and a half years ago. - That's right.
Because before that time he was in jail because of violence.
- He was in jail?! - Yes.
I'm not feeling well. Water! Water!
Water. Water. A doctor, please.
What's happening here? What have you done to this lady?
Hush! Can't you see there's a seriously ill woman here?
What's wrong with her?
She has learned that her husband is a violent criminal who was in jail.
What? And you allow such a dangerous gangster
to be observed by a young, inexperienced girl?
- I couldn't know that. - You should have known that!
- Down! - More water, see!
How am I to get sea water now?
Please, get me a seat on a plane at once.
- I want to catch that man in flagranti! - Very good!
Let me make a suggestion: I'll fly with you.
What do you mean, you'll fly with her? I'll fly With her!
If we hurry, we'll catch the plane in time.
Miss Seiciler, quick, a telegram for Miss Christensen!
"Arriving today with Frau Carlsen".
- And with me. - "Down!"... erm... "Stop".
"Arrange nice, flawless in flagranti".
Yes, please. What is it?
The gentleman in room 135 has ordered flowers.
Very beautiful red roses, and a dinner for two. With champagne.
I see. And at what time?
At half past eight. That would be in twenty minutes.
Do you know whether he expects the lady from room 566?
No, I can't say.
Then take a close look at the lady while sewing,
so that you can describe her later.
That won't be possible, as I won't be serving.
The gentleman in 135 ordered a cold buffet.
Probably he doesn't want to be disturbed while dining.
But you'll have to carry in the champagne?
No, I already had to carry it in before.
Madame understands.
Yes, but I must know who this person is!
Perhaps madame may hide somewhere?
Hide? Where?
- Let's say, in the clothes cabinet. - Clothes cabinet?
Yes. Madame can hear everything that's spoken in the room from there.
But how can I get into the clothes cabinet unnoticed?
I'll arrange it.
I've never been in a clothes cabinet.
You'll get used to it. But it must be soon, before the lady arrives.
All right. I'll quickly write a letter which you must hand to the porter.
Very well, madame. In the meantime I'll see whether the coast is clear.
If that is the case, I'll knock on the door.
Like this perhaps.
- Great. - Isn't it?
One moment, please. There.
That wouldn't have been necessary.
Come in! Well?
Everything3 arranged. The lady is coming.
- And she'll go into the clothes cabinet? - As agreed.
Of course, yes. Wonderful.
Listen, waiter, before you show the lady in you must give me a sign.
- Give you a sign? - Yes, I'll make off into the bathroom.
Ah, I see. In such cases I have the habit of coughing.
- Coughing? - Yes, like this perhaps.
That's great. One moment, waiter. This is for you.
That wouldn't have been necessary.
Madame, it's high time.
Listen, a certain Herr Schmidt will arrive here at any moment.
Tell the porter to give this letter to him right at his arrival.
Very well, madame.
Come in!
Ah, here you are, my darling!
I actually thought you wouldn't come.
Come, sit down.
You're even more beautiful than the last time we met.
Come, give me another kiss.
And now we might sit down to dinner.
Just get out, or do you want to spend the night in the cabinet?
Who are you looking for?
The lady you've just kissed.
Which lady?
The one you invited for dinner.
Ah, her. I haven't kissed her yet. Because for dinner I'm expecting you.
Do you still need this?
- No. - Thank you. If you please.
Please, take a seat.
So the room waiter pulled a fast one on me.
Yes, he did.
And I gave him quite a tip.
Probably mine was even better.
You know, madame, it's not that easy to catch someone in flagranti.
The things you tell all the time!
Air hole! I don't feel well.
I mean, you have to lie in wait for weeks.
Please stop it. You make me sick.
- Me, too. - Would you like to eat something?
You know, madame, a similar thing happened to me.
On my estate there's a forester, and he was jealous about...
- You have an estate? - Yes, sure.
And this forester was jealous about his young wife.
He wanted to catch her in flagranti. A quite nice woman, by the way.
- How large? - About as large as you.
- I mean the estate. - I see, 2000 acres.
He observed her for several years, for nothing.
For nothing, on top of it?
- Do you have cows, too? - Not many. 54.
What, 54? But that's a huge farm!
And do you know why the forester observed his wife for nothing?
I'm wild about farming!
Just listen! Because...
Your own plot of land, your own cows, your own pigs...
Because the forester's wife didn't have a lover in the first place!
Listen, that's stupid. Air hole!
Well, miss, please enjoy your meal!
Please stay seated.
You don't seriously believe that I'll have dinner with you here?
Would you have to put it into your report to the detective agency Schmidt?
To the detective a..
Nice of you to sit down again.
So you know?
But if you eat nicely
I'll tell you so much about me that you don't have to observe me anymore.
That's not necessary.
I'm better informed about you than you probably prefer, consul general!
Why do you always call me 'consul general'?
- Please announce me to Herr Peters. - Peters!
- Are you Herr Fechner? - Yes.
Herr Peters sends his greetings and says he's not free this evening.
Not free? What's that?
Fritzi!
Servus!
What are you doing here?
You know, the story goes like this:
A good old friend of mine invited me to come with her and I thought:
Why not? Do him a favour... fav... do her a favour, and come along.
Look, Wurschtl is also... here.
Put down the creature.
What's the name of the rascal who dragged you here?
Peters.
Huh? Peters? Now that's interesting.
Why? And by the way: What are you presuming to do?
- You have no right to spy after me! - You think sol?
Indeed, I've made enquiries, I know everything!
Have you gone mad? In which room does the rascal stay?
That's none of your business!
Then I'll ask the porter for the room number!
Schorschl! Schorschl!
Ferdinand, hide! My fiance is coming, he'll kill you!
Fritzi, sorry, I've forgotten about you entirely.
I beg you, hide!
Where is room 135?
- There he is! - Who?
- Jesus, you're here, too! - You know each other?
Like it matters! What are we doing now, quickly?
I'll talk to him, don't be so nervous, darling.
Darling.
Go into the bedroom!
- What shall we do there? - Just go, you don't know that man.
Come, Ferdinand, I beg you!
But no! Be sensible, I'll explain the whole affair to him.
- But you can't... - Of course I can.
Huh? Georg?!
You are...?
Yes, my friend, I am!
I'm going crazy!
Don't laugh, youl!
You're a fine gentleman!
You tell me of bridge building, and instead you abduct my fiancee!
Georg, I beg you, I had no idea!
Come, please sit down, I'll tell you the whole story.
But I don't want to sit down, and I don't want to hear a story from you!
Look, you're drinking champagne with your secretary!
- So what? - The lady is my fiancee!
- Would you like a glass, too? - No!
It's already beginning. I've said it, he becomes a bull.
- And that's the man you told me about? - Yes.
And you only got to know Herr Peters this morning?
Yes. First he made me believe he's an old acquaintance from Wiener Neustadt.
Of course that wasn't true.
And then he asked me to come with him so that another woman would follow him.
Another woman...
What do I know? Someone who wouldn't have followed him otherwise.
He said that?
He wanted to make me believe that,
but as I said: he's a fool, that's what he is.
That was all.
And I'm supposed to believe this children's tale?
- Georg, I swear... - But I've seen she's in love with you!
I ask you!
The fear when she heard that I was going to settle the score with you!
She feared for you, and if a woman fears for a man, she's in love with him.
Yes, that's rig ht.
I'll check it now.
What? What are you saying?
No, not with your fiancee. With the other one.
With the other one? What other one?
Georg, come, take the vase.
- Why? - Throw it onto my head.
I am to do what?
Throw it onto my head, but don't hurt me, of course.
- No, wait, I've a better idea. - It seems he's really a fool.
There, attack me with the knife!
- You're crazy! - Let me go!
- But I'm not touching you!
Let me go, I say!
Hands off!
- Heavens, we must help him! - No, no, he'll kill you, too!
Calm down, dear old Alfred, Think of the good furniture!
- Take away the knife! - But you've got it in your own hand.
- Take the red wine. - Not for me, please. I'll get heartburn.
No, without a glass.
What are you doing there? It'll make a stain.
Now it's right... Take away the knife!
Good bye. Leave now.
Get better soon. Thank God!
- Heavens! - He's still alive. He was stabbed!
- Help! Help! - What did I say?
Get a doctor!
No doctor, please.
- Are you in pain? - Terribly.
But we have to get a doctor.
- Are you scared for me? - Yes.
But Fritzi, I didn't harm him at all!
Stop it, I don't care! I want nothing to do with this affair!
- I'll pack, I'm leaving! - But Fritzi...
In any case I'm glad that you worried about me.
May I just change shirts?
That red wine stain is becoming unpleasant.
- It's what? - Chianti.
- Chianti? - Yes. Excuse me, please.
I'll be as quick as a wink.
Why did you put on this act?
Who started putting on an act?
I ask you, in my case it was for business reasons.
Even worse. I almost fell for it.
If I hadn't had you observed, too.
What, you had me...
Yes, I also sent a detective after you. You didn't notice, huh?
He observed you when you searched my suitcase in the sleeping car.
And left your gloves there.
Then in the last moment he saved me from falling in love with you.
Then he showed me my photo album in your cupboard
where I found your proof of identity.
That's impossible. Who was it?
Do you know what's the worst thing? She takes me for a married man!
Yes, indeed! But we won't put up with that!
What? You're not married either?
No. How did you get this idea?
I see. And who is Frau Carlsen?
A very good singer, and a dear old friend of mine.
With whom I have no further association than her unfortunate obsession
of following me and making me scenes caused by jealousy.
Doesn't she have a right to do so?
No. I swear it, really.
Why are you laughing?
Because suddenly I'm so happy.
Fine. And why are you so happy?
- There's 135. - Attention, then.
- One moment. - What do you want again?
Excuse me. Madame, do you still need me? I'd like to say hello to my fiancee now.
But you can't leave me in the lurch in the most important hour of my life!
But I'm so terribly hungry.
- You'll stay, we need you as a witness. - As a witness?
Move on for heaven's sake.
- I don't believe it! - But that is...
What are you doing here?!
- And you especially sent her after him? - But I couldn't know!
I want my advance back!
Advance? Miss Christensen, you're fired!
Now that the disaster has already happened!
May I introduce the gentlemen: this was my fiance, and this is...
- Peters. Very pleased to meet you. - Me, too.
- And this is my boss. - Herr Schmidt. I already guessed.
Sir, before you stands an entirely broken man.
Why? You can be proud that you managed to bring two people together.
Sir, I'm not a marriage broker. So far I've lived from separating people.
You managed that, too.
Dagmar, I haven't really said hello to you yet.
Say, what are you doing? Why do you have me observed?
I wanted to know what you're doing.
Really, that doesn't interest you.
Indeed, not any longer.
Inge, I don't understand anything.
Well, I don't understand it myself.
Are you very unhappy now?
Well, I don't know.
In any case I'm very hungry.
Ah, that's fabulous. Come, take off and eat with us.
With pleasure.
Good idea. Perhaps this way one can forget one's pain.
- I swear, I'll never again... - Tell your wife, my clear!
- But I don't have a wife! - Now I see red!
You marriage impostor!
This is my favourite!
That duck is a chicken, eh?
Dagmar, how was your flight?
- Thank you, excellent. - Very snug.
That's a matter of taste. Those air holes, and his babbling on top of it.
No, it was very snug. He's such a calm person.
You know, I love men who are calming.
- I see. Congratulations! - Thank you.
And he told me about his estate all the time, too.
- How many cows do you have? - 54.
- Eight more than you told me! - But there have been fawns.
What do you say about this person?
Eight cows have calved.
Let's drink to the calves!
- I'd like to see them very much. - Who?
- The calves. - Are you interested in calves?
Haven't you noticed yet?
So even if you're in the mood, don't kiss that girl
and leave the schnapps alone, or else you're caught again...
in flagranti.
[The Duck]
The End.